Madame Web is an entertaining movie where I learned more about the Spider-Verse than I ever thought existed. It was one of those movies that had me Googling “Marvel” every five seconds. I didn’t know there were more spiders than just Spider-Man.
This is where I either nail my knowledge or find out from every Marvel stan how wrong I am. Madame Web goes by the name Cassie by day as she works with a man named Ben Parker. Ben is the uncle and father figure of Spider-Man. So, this predates that storyline. In this world, Julia Cornwall, Anya Corazón, and Mattie Franklin have no idea who they are yet. But Julia is the second Spider-Woman, Anya is Spider-Girl, and Mattie is also Spider-Woman. But somewhere along the line, I picked up on a tidbit that Anya is the first in this entire arachnid world to take on the name Spider. That is the extent of my spider knowledge, but I think I have it in me to dive deeper as new movies come along.
Madame Web stars Dakota Johnson, Sydney Sweeney, Isabela Merced, and Celeste O’Connor. With a surprising supporting cast including Emma Roberts, Adam Scott, Zosia Mamet, and Mike Epps. Plus, a small glimpse of Jill Hennessy. I was pulled further into the film with each new face I saw, whether they were good, bad, funny, or clueless. It was all a gift to me after learning that Dakota Johnson and Sydney Sweeney were going to play two of the starring roles.
However, the story wasn’t perfect. One striking flaw was halfway through, when Cassie had to leave the girls in the woods so she could do some research. The girls leave a fire in the woods to go to a diner. Eating is understandable to me. That’s what I do when I’m hungry. But these girls end up dancing on top of a table, because that’s what you do when you go to a diner. You have to dance on top of a table.
So, back to the fire out in the woods, still burning as they’re walking away. I just want to take a moment and say, don’t do that. Never leave a fire roaring unattended. If you’re camping and you want to go to sleep, put it out. If you’re leaving the area, put it out. If you’re not going to be around it to get warmth from its heat or use it to cook your food, put it out. That’s my Public Service Announcement for the day.
Then, there’s the other issue of Ben being an EMT who would rather drive his sister-in-law across town to deliver her baby at the hospital than deliver it himself. I can certainly understand if it were normal circumstances. But it’s a superhero movie, so normal circumstances have been thrown out the window a long time ago.
She is having the baby. Her water has broken, and she’s in labor. As soon as he drives out of the driveway, he almost gets into a wreck. That should have been his first clue. Now, he’s driving down the street, weaving in and out of traffic because getting her to the hospital is the only solution he can imagine at the moment. Hey, EMT Ben! Stop the car and deliver that baby in safety. Stop risking the baby’s life, and everyone else’s, driving through high-speed traffic at night.
This baby, I’m assuming, is Peter Parker coming into the world. They did play a name game at the baby party Mary threw earlier in the movie. But no one came up with it before an emergency was called, and Cassie had to go. If we had heard the name then, that would have given it away. So, I think I’m right that she was carrying Peter throughout the movie. But Marvel stans will most likely correct me about that as well.
Marvel fans might climb all over me about this one as well, but I think there was a subtle nod to Stan Lee. It was back at the baby fest when they were guessing names. The first one to give a name was so quick to say it, and she whispered so it could go unnoticed. But I think she said, “Stan.” She could have also guessed “Sam,” so I’m debating that one myself.
I mostly enjoyed the film. But I’m not one of those reviewers who watch with the intention of cutting it down anyway I can. I like to enjoy what I’m watching and acknowledge that making a movie is not easy in the first place. So, props go out to everyone in the industry. Just don’t leave open flames unattended in the woods, and if you’re an EMT, deliver the baby yourself rather than drive it through a hundred-mile-an-hour traffic. Do those things, and you won’t incur my wrath. I’m sorry I had to be so harsh about it.
