It happened. The nightmare scenario that fans joked about for years became reality. MrBeast stood at the podium beside NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell, smiling like a kid who just bought the world’s largest candy store. Only this time, the candy store was America’s favorite game.
The press room went silent when Goodell leaned into the microphone and said, “Ladies and gentlemen, we’re proud to announce that effective immediately, MrBeast is now the sole owner of the National Football League.”
Cameras flashed. Fans gasped. The world stopped turning for just a moment.
How did it happen? Well, according to MrBeast himself, it wasn’t all that hard. “I bribed over 537,000 stakeholders, 31 team owners, and the entire town of Green Bay,” he said casually, as if he were explaining how to order fast food. “I also greased a few wheels behind the scenes just to make sure everything went right.”
That was it. No fanfare, no buildup, just the casual declaration that the NFL now belonged to one man,the same man who once buried himself alive for 50 hours just for clicks.
MrBeast Makes What Change?
Naturally, everyone wondered what would change first. Would ticket prices drop to $1? Would the Dallas Cowboys finally win a playoff game? Would every commercial break turn into a MrBeast giveaway?
Nope. His very first announcement was that every team roster would include a mandatory spot for a YouTube influencer.
“The NFL has been boring without enough prank videos and 24-hour challenges,” MrBeast explained. “So we’re going to fix that.”
His initial influencer draft picks? Haley Baylee, Adam Waheed, iShowSpeed, Dude Perfect, and Brooke Monk. The room murmured in confusion. Some reporters thought it was a joke. Others started furiously typing headlines like “The Vikings Add a New Player to Their Lineup.”
Personally, it came across as blatant favoritism. Why those names? Why not bring in someone like Mark Rober to build robots for the offensive line? Or Rhett and Link to run a cooking segment at halftime? The possibilities were endless, but MrBeast seemed set on his handpicked crew.
The Fallout
Sports analysts panicked immediately. ESPN anchors openly wept on live television. Skip Bayless promised to retire, then unretired five minutes later. Fans flooded Twitter (or X, or whatever it’s called this week) with memes of Patrick Mahomes trying to throw a touchdown pass while iShowSpeed did Fortnite dances in the end zone.
One viral photo showed Lambeau Field with a banner reading: “Green Bay: Sold to the Highest Bidder.” Packers fans were inconsolable. Cheeseheads started melting in the Wisconsin sun.
Vegas sportsbooks scrambled to adjust the odds. Would a YouTuber actually score a touchdown this season? DraftKings briefly offered a prop bet on whether Dude Perfect would hit a trick-shot field goal before realizing they might have to pay out real money when they inevitably nailed it.
The Reality Check
But then, just when panic reached its peak, the truth slipped out. The whole thing was a spoof. MrBeast hadn’t really bought the NFL. He was just promoting YouTube’s streaming rights to the season kickoff game between the Los Angeles Chargers and the Kansas City Chiefs on September 5.
Relief swept across the football world. Fans exhaled for the first time in hours. NFL owners looked around at each other, finally getting it, because they had no knowledge of being bribed, and if they had been, where was that money? They clutched their wallets in gratitude. Roger Goodell, for once in his life, looked like the good guy.
The True Announcement
The real news was simple: YouTube would air the big game, bringing the Chargers and Chiefs to screens in a way meant to draw in a younger, more digital crowd. It was a clever marketing stunt, and of course, nobody could pull it off better than MrBeast.
But for a terrifying moment in time, the sports world believed that a man who once gave away an island might also be calling the shots on draft day.
What If He Actually Did It?
Let’s be honest, if MrBeast really owned the NFL, things would get weird fast. Halftime shows would be replaced by “last person to leave the stadium wins $1 million” challenges. Touchdowns would be rewarded with Teslas instead of points. And the Super Bowl? Forget it. It would be renamed the “Beast Bowl,” with the winning team receiving a mountain of cash, a gold statue of themselves, and probably a warehouse full of Hershey’s bars.
Conspiracy theorists are still clinging to the idea that he might be serious. After all, this is the man who bought an entire neighborhood just so his friends could live next door. Couldn’t he just Venmo the NFL owners a few billion and make it official?
Football Is Safe for Now…From MrBeast
In the end, fans like me were just relieved to learn the league was safe. I don’t know what I’d do without football. Maybe take up knitting. Or birdwatching. Or worse, actually talk to my family on Sundays.
Thankfully, the only real part of the announcement is that the Chargers and Chiefs will square off on September 5. Football is back, and the world is right again.
So buckle up, stock the fridge, and dust off the lucky jersey. The NFL is returning to its regularly scheduled chaos, free from influencer roster spots…at least for now.
Are you ready for some football?
With the NFL season ramping up, let’s take a look at the age-old debate…The Arrogance of the Americans To Keep Calling It Soccer and Not Football
Look at these weird sports MrBeast could easily buy…When Did Weird Competitions Become Real Sports
