The Big Crack Down On McDonald’s Burger Dealers

The McDonald’s fix is hard to beat. People should consider rehab. Cutting down to once a week is dangerous if you’re trying to get off of the junk entirely.

Ronald McDonald is coming under attack because, obviously, he’s been peddling junk food to kids. I haven’t seen those charges yet. But the video should hit the net soon.

It’s terrible to think that McDonald, with his flaming hair and battery-operated jumpsuit, would be standing in an alley selling Big Macs and Quarter Pounders to the kids who need their fix. Getting them addicted to McDonald’s at such an early age is a crime that is devastating our youth and destroying their lives. A close friend of mine was in and out of rehab for most of his life to get clean from his addiction to Mickey Dee’s.

Criminal charges for being a food dealer have not been finalized. The judge has yet to sign off on the arrest warrant. But with those kinds of allegations, it’s something to be taken very seriously. So, all I can say to our youth is the same thing we’ve told them for years. Just Say No!

If you see McDonald coming, walk the other way. If you pass him in a back alley behind a McDonald’s, just keep on going. Don’t engage in conversation. Don’t even look his way! He will bring you down with him, man. That’s what he does.

But to be totally honest, it actually falls into the hands of the parents. We should sit our children down and teach them the dangers of being addicted to Breakfast Burritos and Sweet Tea. Every morning, before they leave the house to walk into the real world all alone, hand them a condom, give them money for pot, and make sure, by all means, that you educate them on the evils of the yellow arches.

Hamburger University offers college credits that can be transferred to such colleges as Strayer University, DeVry, and even Penn State. But we all know that it’s the training ground for McDonald’s peddlers to learn how to hustle Angus burgers.

Ronald McDonald House Charities is a program put in place so that families can be united and be given a place to stay, a home away from home when a child is getting treatment for a serious illness. But that’s just a front where McDonald houses his gang consisting of such ruthless hustlers as the Hamburgler, Captain Crook, and Grimace. They’ve been hustling McDonald’s since 1955. They’ve created billions of addicts since then. Experts estimate that they serve about 69 million addicts a day.

I have a confession to make. This is tough for me to do. So, bear with me. Okay, here it goes. Hi! My name is Mike. I’m an addict. I have been slamming Big Macs all my life. I’ve done things I’m not proud of just so that I could have the money for my next Big Mac. I stole from my own mother. I pawned her bell bottoms for a small fry…a small fry!

I actually had my first Big Mac when I was five years old. I know you’re wondering how I could have been introduced at such an early age. But my parents were both social eaters. They only did Mickey Dee’s on occasion. So, they didn’t know that what they were introducing to their son could lead to a major addiction problem later in life.

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Oh, I’ve done it all, though. I started with Big Macs, but soon I was on Quarter Pounders. Sometimes, I would get a quick cheeseburger fix. Then, the whole McChicken sandwich line took me over the edge. I craved McDonald’s every day.

It’s like they have scientists in sandwich labs cooking up new foods to peddle on the streets. I don’t know why my parents didn’t sit me down a long time ago and have a conversation with me about my Mickey Dee’s addiction. But I eventually fought the disease on my own.

I went through detox at Burger King. They nursed me back to health with a regular dosage of the Whopper with Cheese. I went through the sweats. But after a few days, I was clean. Since then, I’ve been telling everyone about my battle with McDonald’s.

It’s hard to see it coming when it starts off so innocently. But McDonald’s can be peddled in all shapes and sizes. Depending on where you are or who you are talking to, it’s called chicken nuggets, chocolate shakes, sausage egg and cheese biscuits, McRib, double cheeseburger, Filet-o-Fish, mocha latte, and even apple pie. It’s so addictive that addicts will punch out McDonald’s peddlers at four o’clock in the morning if they don’t have any nuggets.


What happened to McDonald’s? It used to be a place where families could eat, and kids could play. It was a whole vibe with a playground and everything.

Over the years, it changed drastically. It started getting rid of the characters that made it famous and welcoming to families. It started looking like a business office where customers could get their slammed-together burgers in the fastest time possible. The first thing to go was the playground. The second to go was the vibrant colors that gave it life. The chairs were even made less inviting to get people to keep moving, move right along, out the door, back to your life. Don’t hang here.

It’s all starting to say that it’s not a people-kind of place. Completing the picture are the new facilities that are moving toward being totally unmanned. The human-free McDonald’s is the way of the future, and that will complete its journey to not having to deal with people at all. No workers. Customers order, pay, and walk away without coming into contact with anyone. Just pure profit for a handful of fat men in suits sitting on their piles of money. Good for them and the legacy they destroyed!

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